Saturday, July 12, 2008
What The??!!
What The?!! that is exactly what I felt when I was at work the other day.
after having to restrain 3 of the 5 students in the unit I work in and being bitten by 1 of them and being kicked by 4 of them, I sat down in the hallway as the students were getting ready for bed, a nostalgic feeling came over me, and I realize I was in a dream...except in reality I was awake, I wasn't dreaming, but I was remembering a dream I had many moons ago. When I was a few years old(10 or so ...probably older) were I was in that same hallway working those kind of kids. I do as if God has been showing me what is to come in my life over the years and never really showed me at the same time, its not like I can do something about it because as soon as I dreamt it I vaguely remembered the dream, and then again who can take their dreams seriously. maybe the dream was closer than I think it is. maybe I didn't dream it so long ago as I like to think. .
Is this a part of my chess game of life is this a stradtegy to get to my goal in life?
I guess I will never know. ............
after having to restrain 3 of the 5 students in the unit I work in and being bitten by 1 of them and being kicked by 4 of them, I sat down in the hallway as the students were getting ready for bed, a nostalgic feeling came over me, and I realize I was in a dream...except in reality I was awake, I wasn't dreaming, but I was remembering a dream I had many moons ago. When I was a few years old(10 or so ...probably older) were I was in that same hallway working those kind of kids. I do as if God has been showing me what is to come in my life over the years and never really showed me at the same time, its not like I can do something about it because as soon as I dreamt it I vaguely remembered the dream, and then again who can take their dreams seriously. maybe the dream was closer than I think it is. maybe I didn't dream it so long ago as I like to think. .
Is this a part of my chess game of life is this a stradtegy to get to my goal in life?
I guess I will never know. ............
well it was weird.
You know its crazy, you think sometimes even though things may have not been finished, left undone, because of unlikely circumstances that, well that's it! No more . You wont have to deal with the issue anymore weather you like it or not.
All it took me was one view of her picture and it took me back. It hit me harder than I thought It would. I thought to myself why should I be concerned? Why should I be feeling like this?
Its in the past I can't do nothing about it. what's been done, been done! Simple as that.
She can't see me no more and I the same, so why did I have such an over whelming feeling of downheartedness? Why did I miss her? was it because I never got to set things right. Was it because we were never able to see each others expression as we said its over? Why was I thinking about her all of the sudden? More questions than answers I ask myself what purpose does this have on me? Why should I feel this way. I needed to get a grip of myself and control of the situation.
Later on the following week I was in a dream where the world around me was decaying, lockers were rusting and opening up and human bones sometimes complete and sometimes just random pieces were falling out. The world was in limbo for what it seemed. I walked around figuring this out more curious than scared, in fact fear wasn't a factor it was more the question(yeah another question) Why am I here I don't belong here. I caught a glimpse of her in a passage way, which seemed more surrealistic than Dali's work or that painting that has the stairs coming in and out of random places upside down and right side up. As I caught up to her, because there was no one else to catch up to anyway besides the decaying dead bodies that were around me. , and an awkward pause was before us, and I started to explain myself. and how I hated what had happened between us, and the lies she heard. How I thought we went to fast and never really got to know each other truly. I apologized for the wrongs that I had done and had heard about her and her adventures in her life as well as her new person. I had wished her well and we sat there watching more things decay before us. as her significant other peered us form the corner of his eye. I asked her what now? and I woke up(??)
I often wonder what would really happen if she knew the truth. I also wonder if I really had strong affections for her or was it just a physical attraction? Did we pared up because we looked good together? Or did we have genuine feelings, its confusing for me to answer my own question weather or not I did had the same feelings she did.
I think I lied to myself at that time to think I didn't . But right now it sway too late, I'm not hoping to be with her again, I guess I only wish her well, and she too can take life slow. I can feel like a fool sometimes, I do let my friends opinion sometimes factor into some of my choices but in the end of the night I'm the one facing my issues alone, I sometimes regret having to have listen to them , but I guess for the time being it was well worth it.for the situation that I was in. It needed to have happened. I was lost and need some guidence. I'm glad I'm not there anymore and that i am somewhere else. I'm also glad that nothing really became of it. although I may sometimes wonder what if? I know if what if were to happened I would be somewhere else I wouldn't want to be, I rather be were I am now than were I could have been, and I am glad to say that, that is one what if I am glad and thankfull(to God) that it never happened.
All it took me was one view of her picture and it took me back. It hit me harder than I thought It would. I thought to myself why should I be concerned? Why should I be feeling like this?
Its in the past I can't do nothing about it. what's been done, been done! Simple as that.
She can't see me no more and I the same, so why did I have such an over whelming feeling of downheartedness? Why did I miss her? was it because I never got to set things right. Was it because we were never able to see each others expression as we said its over? Why was I thinking about her all of the sudden? More questions than answers I ask myself what purpose does this have on me? Why should I feel this way. I needed to get a grip of myself and control of the situation.
Later on the following week I was in a dream where the world around me was decaying, lockers were rusting and opening up and human bones sometimes complete and sometimes just random pieces were falling out. The world was in limbo for what it seemed. I walked around figuring this out more curious than scared, in fact fear wasn't a factor it was more the question(yeah another question) Why am I here I don't belong here. I caught a glimpse of her in a passage way, which seemed more surrealistic than Dali's work or that painting that has the stairs coming in and out of random places upside down and right side up. As I caught up to her, because there was no one else to catch up to anyway besides the decaying dead bodies that were around me. , and an awkward pause was before us, and I started to explain myself. and how I hated what had happened between us, and the lies she heard. How I thought we went to fast and never really got to know each other truly. I apologized for the wrongs that I had done and had heard about her and her adventures in her life as well as her new person. I had wished her well and we sat there watching more things decay before us. as her significant other peered us form the corner of his eye. I asked her what now? and I woke up(??)
I often wonder what would really happen if she knew the truth. I also wonder if I really had strong affections for her or was it just a physical attraction? Did we pared up because we looked good together? Or did we have genuine feelings, its confusing for me to answer my own question weather or not I did had the same feelings she did.
I think I lied to myself at that time to think I didn't . But right now it sway too late, I'm not hoping to be with her again, I guess I only wish her well, and she too can take life slow. I can feel like a fool sometimes, I do let my friends opinion sometimes factor into some of my choices but in the end of the night I'm the one facing my issues alone, I sometimes regret having to have listen to them , but I guess for the time being it was well worth it.for the situation that I was in. It needed to have happened. I was lost and need some guidence. I'm glad I'm not there anymore and that i am somewhere else. I'm also glad that nothing really became of it. although I may sometimes wonder what if? I know if what if were to happened I would be somewhere else I wouldn't want to be, I rather be were I am now than were I could have been, and I am glad to say that, that is one what if I am glad and thankfull(to God) that it never happened.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Smaller version
Yeah Its the same thing! No really it is ..well its just smaller.
reason being its for someone.
;-)
Well Gabi Enjoy...
p.s......
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
finished??!!
Well here it is the finished product...or am I ??
I still feel Like I can add more to this pic. and say more with it.
But hey which ever, I like it so far. ...... .. .. .. .but I want more...
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