Y que

Y que pense.. si pense que yo podia.. pero no puedo.. Y no quiero...pero debo porque no puedo quedarme asqui.. Y ya estoy cansado de esta vida de vueltas y vueltas.
Y como vico despues de esto? como un sinico que no puede pensr or soñar..o sentir... pues? .. no se. si se que puedo sentir.. y puedo pensar.. y al mismo tiempo me mude a otro lugar.. en mi mente y en mi corazon. Pero digo esto ahora.. dire esto mañana?
no se.. no se como pensare....solo Dios me dira que debo controlar. y que debo hacer...

gifts

Well this is a gift for a good close friend f mine and his wife.
what's in it well I don't know if they actually read my blog so I don't want to say..

and I wonder......

and I wonder where it all goes. and where it all comes from.. and I wonder and wonder. but I never get any answers... I wish I had one.. I wish , but I got tired of that too. So I prayed. I have faith that you will take care of things.. and wondered again.. and yet you are patient with me.. because like a child I go back and do things I was told not to do.. and I again.. just hope you take care of it all.. I have that you will.. and as I dream.... I'm tired God. My Heart is weak, my soul sobs, I am tired of the arguments.. I am tired of the fights.. I am tired of it all.. and yet it all seems to make sense to me. The law told me how I should walk in order to catch up but I know your grace tells me to just look up at you..and your holy spirit which dwells inside of me gave me a listening heart and guided me to hear your voice, I didn't have to warn anyone about the lightning.. no one listened.. yet you told me to look at you and your spirit said look up and I did and you told me when to jump.. and I did.. and I was closer than I thought.. but is that all my imagination? Was the fact the the house was a wasted barren landfill.. an empty house.. with no place to call shelter.. was that who they are? or is that what they live.. when you told me to breath...from far.. and you showed me your light surrounding them.. in the midst of their emptiness you cared for them.. and I have faith that you will make this clear to me.. somehow or at some point.. and I wake up and your grace is upon me.. and I felt your hand God over me comforting my pains..
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us and to
our children forever, that we may follow all
the words of this law." -Deuteronomy 29:29
as my eyes are filled .. and my souls finds rest.. my head is at ease.. for I know that you are with me.. and you have never left me....
Thank you God. Thanks My Father..
Abba.. hear my prayers.. read my writing.. see the tears that I shed..see how my heart cries in pain.. Oh Holy Spirit keep me focus.. so no matter what I fail in no matter what doesn't happen in my life.. I know that God is with me and I can cherish the small things I have..and know that He is in control with the things I don't have.., in your hands everything is better so take all my pains and angst.. all my pains and loves.. my heartaches.. and my quarrels.. my tired state.. and my broken thoughts.. I don't know what to do with them.. and as you strip me of who I am .. i see you are rebuilding me to who I should be..In your presence.. I am free.. I sing hallelujah you are my God.. I stand in awe as I lift my voice to you my lord.. My God My Father.. Abba..Take it all.. I'm tired of doing this to myself by myself. I give up you can have me all.. this is going to hurt isn't it?... but its better when you are done? Amen... Thank you God.. Thank you dad...

--
Juan

12:13

Man 12:13 was fun and exiting . How God worked on all our lives and how He channeled through me to everyone. To show His love and his grace. and how above all Blessings come in all different channels.. I'll inform you more I am sleepy now. later!
--
Juan

so its up

talk in the works of a new show in spring maybe towards Feb(so even closer)
What will God bring to the table through me this time around?

um...

I don't know.. I just don't know

Cuando?...

Cuando?

entonces.....

Que se va hacer?...que podemos hacer?...es destino o no? pero la pregunta no nos deja con repuestas sino los dirije a pensar el significado de todo esto. Y eso es lo que nos confunde.. pero yo se que yo no estoy confundido.. y se que no esperabas esto...que yo contestara en esta forma ni en estas palabras.....que esperabas de mi.. un latino que se la hechava? O un hombre que no pensaba? vamos a ver que se puede hacer.. y no pensar o consentrarnos en el miedo sino en en nuestra fe que nos da fuerza y fortaleza...Nuestro Dios tiene la repuesta y nos dice que no temamos en nada.. si EL esta con nosotros quien contra nosotros?
--
Juan

entonces.....

Juan G SantosQue se va hacer?...que podemos hacer?...es destino o no? pero la pregunta no nos deja con repuestas sino los dirije a pensar el significado de todo esto. Y eso es lo que nos confunde.. pero yo se que yo no estoy confundido.. y se que no esperabas esto...que yo contestara en esta forma ni en estas palabras.....que esperabas de mi.. un latino que se la hechava? O un hombre que no pensaba? vamos a ver que se puede hacer.. y no pensar o consentrarnos en el miedo sino en en nuestra fe que nos da fuerza y fortaleza...Nuestro Dios tiene la repuesta y nos dice que no temamos en nada.. si EL esta con nosotros quien contra nosotros?
--
Juan

Did I....?

Oh Lord....
Did I do wrong?...Did I jump ahead? Did I run ahead of you and ruined your plans? Did I forget where you were at? Did I not hear you? Could you lease repeat what you said?.. Don't let me fall down and get hurt.....It hurts. It fills my heart with pain.. I worry at times and I know that I'm stubborn at times.. I'm sorry Lord. I knwo I can get ahead of myself. Abbahold me tight, don't let my heart be filled with sorrow. Don't let me go through that again... Teach me to be patient.. to just look towards you. To be able to wait on you..Did I do what you wanted me to? Am I putting a smile on your face.. Don't let me wonder off..Yes it has..for Your grace has made me righteous, Your rgace has left me walking in the clouds. Yuor blood has cleared that stain that couldn't be cleansed.. Your love will always guide me. You have amde your promises and you never let me down. Fill my heart heart with hoe and guide my thoughts for good. I grow tired of my walks and my stubbornness and I am ready to listen to your command. Fill me, tell me, Guide me.. Oh Lord you are my escape. You turn frowns upside down right side up and all around , you bring me peace and joy. Oh Lord don't let me fall again.. dont let my heart be stricken with pain.. I'm too weak for that my Lord. I shrivel with just a thought..of going down that path again.. Lighten me up and teach me what it means to just HAVE you... to JUSt need you...to JUST folow you...and ....YOU
--
Juan

I just cant

Well I thought my laptop was finally fixed today and that wasn't the case.
So I cant upload or scan any new work...and trust me there has been new work...
sorry guys....

Another Dream

So there I was on Dudley Street. Between Magnolia St and Alexander St. Close to Alexander St. The traffic was worse in the direction towards the rest of Dorchester(saving Hill Kane Sq and so on). as I was walking towards the bus stop I notice that the ground was wet from the rain that had fallen. and I lost control of the basketball that I had in my hands. Some of the other kids who were trying to control their basketball lost control of their balls as well. They collided with mine as the all stoped at a snow bank byt the end of the block. I grab thei rball to pass it to them and realize that their ball was full of fuzz.. and hair.. I pass the ball back to them quietly thinking they would start a fight with me if they thought I was trying to steal the ball. They all gathered around me to wait for th bus. Not really sure how and why I was there a girl came up, and one of the guys asked her if he could have her later on tonight for a "quick".."Favor" she agreed and he thanked her and stood there and waited for the bus. Out of no where a car came in front her and I got inside the drivers seat. They all decide to follow me and one of them decide to put out his blunt but not his cigarretee. I wondered how I was going to get of there, since the car was on the same side as I was .. ON the Sidewalk. well we tried but I was way to confused. "If only this car can get out of her" I look up to the sky and my car levitates and lands in between the other cars, scared and thinking oh now we are going to tr to get out.My car made it to the other side of the road(heading towards Dudley St,...back bay and so on)no car was on that other side just me as I drove the folks home.. they fit in my car.. we drove of.. then I woke up!!

Another Dream

ART SHOW

YES YOU READ THE TITLE RIGHT
I AM HAVING AN ART SHOW ON OCTOBER 24 2009 AND I WANT ALL OF YOU WHO CAN MAKE IT..WELL TO MAKE IT
The place is called
Eggroll Cafe
here is a link to their site so you can get the directions or address to add to your GPS
http://eggrollcafe.com/
more updates are to follow and stay TUNED!!!

I um..

I am on Awe as to where I am at.. where I am IN..and my battle continues. like the never ending battle Of Gijoe..Everyday after school at 3pm I would sit in front of the TV and watch that show. I really did enjoy it don't get me wrong it was the only reason I ever wanted to join the army/navy (which ever of the two it didn't matter) when I was 9 (ish) Their battle was everyday the same but new, fighting the same enemy. ..as I do...New attacks new attempts.. some of them may be repeats and for now they never end.. As the battle became larger I know I must've made "Cobra" mad, for now I am praying with power(Nintendo Power reference) and my battle rages on... I sit quietly on a stone that is higher than the Thunderdome.. my comparisons can be too cliche, but it reveals the truth of where I am at non the less.. and as long as you got that, that is the point. I am about o fall asleep..um yeah
Good Night

How?

How do I separate Fact from Faith?
or are they separated and I don't know where they are placed in my mind and my heart?
If I do know where they are at how do I weight them (are they in the category to weight? Are they in the same weight class?)
In the Abyss of my thoughts I find myself grabbing an untangible element, that is to big for me to carry, pull up into air and dry land(the the surface of my life)not alone at least.
I scurry to grab myself, to put myself together.
I thought I had more to work on, but I know I am not putting the pieces alone......

--
Juan

meat anyone?....or just trust??

(this is just a dream)
So as I walk to get some meat to help my getting rid of my gall stones, I could not help but notice that something was hidden from me. The air was flat and tasted bland as well. It was a graveyard with evaporated bodies. I come to a meat market and I find myself in line with a shopping cart..I felt my friend with me..but in spirit for I couldn't see her there. as I come to the counter I look deeper into what was on the walls and on the floor, Slabs and slabs of meat. blood spilled everywhere. The two middle eastern men dressed in white jackets, filled with dry animal blood(I hoped) asked me what do I want. I make a gesture as to say something but nothing comes out of my mouth. They drop a pigs head on my shopping cart along with its inner pieces. As i walk out I realize that there is meat every where, on the light post, on the street corner on the ground, flies covered the lights and the smell of dead animals covered the night. My friend kept walking with me as she was growing sick herself, she felt she needed to return her slabs of meat, confused because I didn't see her get any in the first place. I heard a voice tell me (from the skies)everybody is sick. everything around you is sick. Nothing is good and everything is spoiled. I was led to return the meat, in which my friend must have paved the way. as she was standing right there not moving by the counter in front of the 2 middle eastern men. I came to the counter in the night or early morning(it felt as if it were that wee time of the night when the clubs and bars had an hour or so of being closed) I mention that I wanted to return the meat. they paced around back and forth from behind the counter to the back room. that same voice said to my heart...in a v voiceless voice...trust me...even with the spooled food....The sensation of calm but not sure.. woke me up.. and it was time to go to work....

--
Juan

well then again..

Every time I am discouraged.. every time I feel fear...every time I felt angry... my temptations came near..But I thank God that so far I have been able to seek Him .....
Man I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I'm sure you get tired of reading such things..

--
Juan

check it out

new idea!!!

Well to finish of a piece I have been working on. I had to make the sketch so now to finish it! Here is what I plan!