What to do

How do I kick off being pissed when all that surrounds my mind is a kick in the shins and a bat to the head. How do I avail myself from these feelings. Do I continue praying or do I continue embracing? Maybe I should just pushed them away by whatever means necessary. They bothered me when I used to embraced them when i was younger why give them life again now?
I can't seem to help them coming to me but i can help do something about them. Maybe I should talk about it? maybe I should paint.. well I need to practice. Maybe I should game.. but that never usually helps. hmmm... what to do...I see pigeons... on top of the house...hmm....(eww that be to gross thought)

una oracion

una oracion
Se me hace muy dificil pensar que todo estar bien Y al mismo tiempo se me hace dificil no pensar que ain algo detras de todo. Eh tenido tantas malas cosas que me an pasado que desufortunadamente se me queda en mente o se me viene en mente todas estas cosas.
Y en mi corazon me dicer que este en paz y que no busque por lo que no ain pero al mismo tiempo en mente se me vienen estos malo pensamienos. Entre si me pongo a orar y se lo doy a Dios.
No se porque no puedo escapar estos pensamientos.
Nunca puedo estar seguro de mi futuro pero si puedo estar seguro en Dios. Como te oraba orita que yo e confiado en ti, pero en si estoy ofendiendote, pero al mismo tiempo te quiero buscar.. como peudo dividrme o como puedo estar mas cerca a ti. Como puedo ser mas seguro de mis decisiones y no ser tal como el bote que sube y baja en el mar.
Tu nunca me dejas y yo no quiero dejarte otravez. Me ciento como si fuera qu e ya llevo meses si no oirte tan claro como antes. Como si fuera que cuando te oigo te ignoro. Y cuando te hago caso se me olvida como tu estuviste conmigo.
Te quiero dejar en tus manos esta relacion, la poca fe que ella tiene en si muchas veces me desaanima. pero al mismo tiempo me da energia para poder empujar mas fe para poder ser un ejemplo del poder tuyo. Pero si se que no puedo estar en ninguna relacion sin tu estar involucrado, y en si tampoco puedo espera en ella on las opciones de mis amistades. Solamente espero en ti, si ella decide uno o la otra. estare buscandote a ti.. porque como sea que todo esto termine o siga, yo se que en ti puedo confiar Y en t puedo llorar.
Amen
--
Juan

You won't forget and I already did

Didn't I tell you that I love you? But you don't remember that I told you ..........
I am delighted in the day I locked sight with your eyes. I won't be running away, I won't go astray..I will stay to show you how much I love you ... to show you how can love you.. When your lips touched mine.....as your eyes tore past my rough exterior..I felt that I must've been kissed by an angel, up from heaven....whom whispered in my ear..."if you will be mine...I will not go back to go heaven"
all that from the kiss? all that from everything about her...
su mirada, tocar, su besar...su palpitar...ella me cogio y entro en mi... y se desnuo se quito su fortaleza, y realizo que yo nunca subi las mia.....ella pudo penetrar my corazon...yu te sonreiste y me hiciste sentir haci de ti.....

Quien? EH? Dilme Quien?

Muchas veces yo termino repitiendome. Diciendo lo mismo una y dos veces. En muchas de esas veces digo las cosas en diferente palabras. Una noche dire tu eres el sol que brilla en mi playa. Pero ortas noches digo que tu eres la luna que brilla su reflejo en mu mar.
Pero siempre emfatizo que eres una luz en mi vida. quiero ser el mar que cubre tu cuerpo cuando nadas en mi playa.El aire que respiras, y el aire que pasa por tu falda cuando el viento pasa por ti. El aliento que respiras y hueles la aroma de la comida que yo cocino.
Quiero estar dentro de ti...en ti....En ti encuentro mi paz..mi descanso...mi tiempo de respirar...Me daz mas razon para buscar de ti...encontrar cada rincon de tu vida de tu care... de tu corazon ....ya no tengo que conquistar, pero quiero seguir Y ganar todo lo que es eres tu.
Me daz razon quererte mas y mas.....Cuando te ries me llenas de alegria, u cuando sonries me llenas de orgullo..Orgullo de estar contigo.....Cuando me tocas mi cuerpo no tiemblo si no se calma y me permite respirar..profundamente anticipo el beso que te quiero dar.. y en si cuando llega la oportunidad para besarte me divido por que tambien quiero verte...mirarte admirarte...desearte...y en si besarte..suavemente...delicadamente...continuamente..por todo tu cara.Y tus labios...
--
Juan

Tired and Bored..Tempted and ...Roared?

What is it about being tired that has that good old feeling not even sneak up behind you just walk up in front of you and say Hello I'm Bored! Either way, I find myself scrolling through rows of horrible movies, b-Rated, bad lighting and what they are doing is not acting its pretending....
I wonder how is it tat good movies don't make it to the instant "que" and why and how do bad movie make it there... but then the question I ask myself why am I watching them.. If I'm bored like I suggest to my students read a book and I think that I s what I find myself tempted to do...Now what should I read?.......
--
Juan

So yeah

I remember I was quite depresed as a child while watching "The Garfield" cartoon....why did I keep watching that show everyday even though I recalled thsi feeling everydayover and over again... that cartoon was soo depressing......

 
OHH's background image for those of you who seen it. I plan on doing more backgrounds like this and re use this one for something.. just not sure what.. maybe a ninja!!.. no to stereotipical .. maybe just another face.. but who's!!

 
This is it for a background!..maybe for a shirt or a towel!...maybe

Sea..See... Creatures Attack

 

So I have done countless remakes of this and they all look worse than the first.. not sure where to go with it. I even change the way the fishes look in the bottom and they look cooler and eye catching but um... yeah the giant creature just annoys the hell out of me since I can't seem to make him .. her.. it.. right! Damn It!!!!
--
Juan

 
I don't think I showed this one off at all and its beena fav for a lot of people.. even College proffesors!!

Vampires Jesus and Zombies!!

So I was wondering why are vampires so scared of the cross. I mean You've never seen a vampire scared of an Ankh or a crescent moon with a star or even an inverted cross(then again that would be funny) So why the cross? Do they fear Jesus? So all these years millions of people who flock to see a vampire movie in which the vampire at some point in the movie faces a cross he is acknowledging the existence of Jesus Christ? I mean why fear Jesus( and I mean that rhetorically) Jesus was the first to rise from the dead and LIVED! He (although some may argue this point) was not (technically) a zombie. Yes I know many believe that Jesus was a zombie(as offensive that may be to some of you) Jesus is the undead LIVING where Vampires(or Dracula,Vlad knock yourself out) is the undead dead..wouldn't they want to be risen to the living as well.. instead of eating brains(for those with the zombie thoughts) or sucking blood to eating dinner with a family member or being able to show that there is life after death. Why fear what can give you life and breath again..heck you get to roam freely whenever you want day or night(..and eat garlic) but past that small niche, Being alive. It just tickled me the idea that these movies where slightly in s small way Acknowledging and preaching the existence of Christ. Lets say that its just a cross that its a symbol of an "old"religion an amulet of safety even then they come to some point that at the cross(at the foot of the cross) there is safety in Him.. there is safety in the cross.. for there our sins where forgiven.. we're safe from the evil ones clutches. From that undead The cross brings us safety.

I wonder about my repressed memories.. both good and bad.. both memories of my highlights and memories of my down lights.. When I sit here and read some letters. as I read ...re-read some of the messages. I look and wonder how I didn't see this coming or going. I never see you any more I never hear about you any more.. I moved on, I went on and left.. but Its hard to remember anything with out you. As usual I make myself laugh and that brings my personal sunshine in my life. I make my own moves, I do my own thing, I I think.. then I stop thinking and the thoughts then become repressed. not here anymore.. just a memory I can't remember Its in the past. All gone.. but its still there.. I'm leaving?... no Im here .. just not there..

New

Hey guys
I'm sorry for leaving you so long with no words
so I'm doing a piece for an auction and another for a Hip Hop show In Brighton!
More soon to come once I am finished

How it does....

How it pains me to do this...How my heart has trouble thinking about its actions..But a heart is not made to think its made to feel.But it was made to be protected. How I hoped for better but I fooled myself into thinking that, that idea was a foolish I guess..maybe I'm wrong and its that delicious almond tasting liquor known as Disaronno...or the honesty of my heart doesn't know how to express how it feels anymore.. and it just did and I have trouble understanding of where its at....God help me understand all of this.
Its a nice day for a White wedding....(Its what I'm listening to)

Y que

Y que pense.. si pense que yo podia.. pero no puedo.. Y no quiero...pero debo porque no puedo quedarme asqui.. Y ya estoy cansado de esta vida de vueltas y vueltas.
Y como vico despues de esto? como un sinico que no puede pensr or soñar..o sentir... pues? .. no se. si se que puedo sentir.. y puedo pensar.. y al mismo tiempo me mude a otro lugar.. en mi mente y en mi corazon. Pero digo esto ahora.. dire esto mañana?
no se.. no se como pensare....solo Dios me dira que debo controlar. y que debo hacer...

gifts

Well this is a gift for a good close friend f mine and his wife.
what's in it well I don't know if they actually read my blog so I don't want to say..

and I wonder......

and I wonder where it all goes. and where it all comes from.. and I wonder and wonder. but I never get any answers... I wish I had one.. I wish , but I got tired of that too. So I prayed. I have faith that you will take care of things.. and wondered again.. and yet you are patient with me.. because like a child I go back and do things I was told not to do.. and I again.. just hope you take care of it all.. I have that you will.. and as I dream.... I'm tired God. My Heart is weak, my soul sobs, I am tired of the arguments.. I am tired of the fights.. I am tired of it all.. and yet it all seems to make sense to me. The law told me how I should walk in order to catch up but I know your grace tells me to just look up at you..and your holy spirit which dwells inside of me gave me a listening heart and guided me to hear your voice, I didn't have to warn anyone about the lightning.. no one listened.. yet you told me to look at you and your spirit said look up and I did and you told me when to jump.. and I did.. and I was closer than I thought.. but is that all my imagination? Was the fact the the house was a wasted barren landfill.. an empty house.. with no place to call shelter.. was that who they are? or is that what they live.. when you told me to breath...from far.. and you showed me your light surrounding them.. in the midst of their emptiness you cared for them.. and I have faith that you will make this clear to me.. somehow or at some point.. and I wake up and your grace is upon me.. and I felt your hand God over me comforting my pains..
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us and to
our children forever, that we may follow all
the words of this law." -Deuteronomy 29:29
as my eyes are filled .. and my souls finds rest.. my head is at ease.. for I know that you are with me.. and you have never left me....
Thank you God. Thanks My Father..
Abba.. hear my prayers.. read my writing.. see the tears that I shed..see how my heart cries in pain.. Oh Holy Spirit keep me focus.. so no matter what I fail in no matter what doesn't happen in my life.. I know that God is with me and I can cherish the small things I have..and know that He is in control with the things I don't have.., in your hands everything is better so take all my pains and angst.. all my pains and loves.. my heartaches.. and my quarrels.. my tired state.. and my broken thoughts.. I don't know what to do with them.. and as you strip me of who I am .. i see you are rebuilding me to who I should be..In your presence.. I am free.. I sing hallelujah you are my God.. I stand in awe as I lift my voice to you my lord.. My God My Father.. Abba..Take it all.. I'm tired of doing this to myself by myself. I give up you can have me all.. this is going to hurt isn't it?... but its better when you are done? Amen... Thank you God.. Thank you dad...

--
Juan

12:13

Man 12:13 was fun and exiting . How God worked on all our lives and how He channeled through me to everyone. To show His love and his grace. and how above all Blessings come in all different channels.. I'll inform you more I am sleepy now. later!
--
Juan

so its up

talk in the works of a new show in spring maybe towards Feb(so even closer)
What will God bring to the table through me this time around?

um...

I don't know.. I just don't know