hmmmm

What can be said about me? What can I say about myself that you already don't know....obviously you don't know much about me, but you are reading this so that means that you are interested.
I'm just tired, tired of belly-aching, I'm tired of this deja-vu I have been sunk in. I'm tired of your feelings not reflecting the truth....I'm tired of not seeing you, tired of not hearing you, tired of not being able to be with you. But you will never know about those feelings, you will never know about what its like to feel like this, because you are still learning about your life, and obviously not now , but much later you will know about them, and how they turn your whole life around..and it makes you never want to look back, you have gone so far, why turn back now, if so much work has been done already.
But what can I say, as now I decided that I am not worth anything to you. Or maybe I am just not worth your time, Don't I mean nothing to you? My mistakes and errors are permanently sketched on me before your eyes, you will never see past that. you will only see flaws, you have blinded yourself to truths and reality. No that isn't fair for me to say.
You just blinded yourself from me. You choose not to see what was before you...and thats fine...it was your choice to make, it was your God given choice...we are allowed to make as many free choices that we want in this world,....and I have made mine to move on.. I regret doing so...I wish I never did, because I still have hopes for you....for us.....I know I will never love someone the way I loved you....I just pray that I will learn to love someone so much and even more so that what I felt for you. It pains and confuses my soul....but I know I can't let you wound me anymore. Maybe you knew when you did or maybe you didn't...I don't know... You thanked me for small things, things that I would have done for strangers. And for you I would have done so much more. ....what purpose did this had on my life?....why did I meet you?....what was God's plan?......and how did I miss it?....... I will go to bed now. I just wish I would wake up from this horrible dream.

(originally written a while ago)