and I wonder......

and I wonder where it all goes. and where it all comes from.. and I wonder and wonder. but I never get any answers... I wish I had one.. I wish , but I got tired of that too. So I prayed. I have faith that you will take care of things.. and wondered again.. and yet you are patient with me.. because like a child I go back and do things I was told not to do.. and I again.. just hope you take care of it all.. I have that you will.. and as I dream.... I'm tired God. My Heart is weak, my soul sobs, I am tired of the arguments.. I am tired of the fights.. I am tired of it all.. and yet it all seems to make sense to me. The law told me how I should walk in order to catch up but I know your grace tells me to just look up at you..and your holy spirit which dwells inside of me gave me a listening heart and guided me to hear your voice, I didn't have to warn anyone about the lightning.. no one listened.. yet you told me to look at you and your spirit said look up and I did and you told me when to jump.. and I did.. and I was closer than I thought.. but is that all my imagination? Was the fact the the house was a wasted barren landfill.. an empty house.. with no place to call shelter.. was that who they are? or is that what they live.. when you told me to breath...from far.. and you showed me your light surrounding them.. in the midst of their emptiness you cared for them.. and I have faith that you will make this clear to me.. somehow or at some point.. and I wake up and your grace is upon me.. and I felt your hand God over me comforting my pains..
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us and to
our children forever, that we may follow all
the words of this law." -Deuteronomy 29:29
as my eyes are filled .. and my souls finds rest.. my head is at ease.. for I know that you are with me.. and you have never left me....
Thank you God. Thanks My Father..
Abba.. hear my prayers.. read my writing.. see the tears that I shed..see how my heart cries in pain.. Oh Holy Spirit keep me focus.. so no matter what I fail in no matter what doesn't happen in my life.. I know that God is with me and I can cherish the small things I have..and know that He is in control with the things I don't have.., in your hands everything is better so take all my pains and angst.. all my pains and loves.. my heartaches.. and my quarrels.. my tired state.. and my broken thoughts.. I don't know what to do with them.. and as you strip me of who I am .. i see you are rebuilding me to who I should be..In your presence.. I am free.. I sing hallelujah you are my God.. I stand in awe as I lift my voice to you my lord.. My God My Father.. Abba..Take it all.. I'm tired of doing this to myself by myself. I give up you can have me all.. this is going to hurt isn't it?... but its better when you are done? Amen... Thank you God.. Thank you dad...

--
Juan